my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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