he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
