According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
