Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
