they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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