How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
