...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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