How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
