She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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