Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
