I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
