I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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