You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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