dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
