my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
