if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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