I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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