tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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