at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
