My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
