I haven't been this sober since birth.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
