that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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