I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
