I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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