My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
