if you like me you must not know who I am
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
