swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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