dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
