I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
