plz talk dirty to me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
