My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
