I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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