My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
