My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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