best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
