Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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