I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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