There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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