shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
