I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I AM VODKA MAN
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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