Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
