I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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