So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
