So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
