Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
