come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
