Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
