Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
