Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
