I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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