I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
