So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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