Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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