I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
