you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
