You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
