Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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